Broken
by atlashands13
Summary: The rebellion is over and Katniss still struggles with her life. Everything is calm and simple though, but that is until Peeta is back being his hijacked self and Katniss and Peeta find themselves in a whirlwind of pain and romance.
1. Routine

I deleted my Gadge-fic, but now I have more time on my hands I decided on an Everlark fic. This fic is still betaless, so PM me if you are interested. Also PM me if you find grammar mistakes.

**Disclaimer: All rights go to Suzanne Collins, only the plot is mine.**

A/N: Updated on 22/08 - grammar mistakes are deleted. I was helped by my wonderful beta by my lovely beta MissingMommy, all other mistakes are mine!

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_Chapter 1: Routine_

_Chapter 1_

It has been raining all day and all I want to do is lie in bed and curl up like a ball, but that isn't an option. Ever since I have been back I have followed this routine to keep myself busy, and even though I could stay in bed all day, I don't allow myself.

First thing I do in the morning is take a shower. I free myself from the clammy clothing I sleep in. It's hot in my room and the nightmares just worsen it. I wish someone could hold me, make the pain go away. But it simply doesn't.

I dress myself in some comfortable pants and a T-shirt. It's similar to the ones I wore yesterday. It's a part of my routine. I sigh and go downstairs where I find a pan of soup. Anotherpart of my routine. Greasy Sae comes every morning to bring me a small pan with soup and I eat it with bread from yesterday. Simple. At the moment**, **that's all I'm asking for.

I eat my breakfast and go to the Seam. To our house. Part of me hates going there. There are too many memories. I force myself to go every day though. It's part of the routine.

When I have everything on, I climb through the fence and hunt. I don't have to hunt, but it simply is part of the routine. I have to remind myself of that every day.

When I catch several birds and squirrels,**)** I go back to Victor's Village or as I like to call it: Hell. Because that's what it simply is. I want to move, but where do I go? The house is all I have left; I need it.

At Victor's Village, I quickly go to Peeta's house. I leave a bird or two in front of his door and a squirrel. Even if I haven't seen Peeta in months, we've built a routine. It seems that that's all there is in my life -a routine, just like in District Thirteen.

I look through the window of his house;he isn't in the living room. I reckon he probably is in the basement, painting. I hate his paintings, painting the most horrendous memories like he's casually making a list of groceries he needs. I leave him be though, it's his way of coping. Or at least, that's what I think.

I miss him. Every time I wake up in a bath of sweat, I miss his arms around me. There's no one to hold me and I hate it. I hate the miserable routine; I hate eating; I hate braiding my hair. I hate going by Peeta without seeing him, but I still do it. It keeps me going. I know I can't hang up on life and be miserable. It doesn't work like that, I know that.

I go to Haymitch's house. His house looks abandoned, it is almost abandoned, at least. Inside there's a broken man, I feel sorry for him, but I don't do anything for him. It doesn't work like that, Haymitch's a complex person, andeveryone knows that.

I open the door and walk inside. I clean a few plates and throw a few bottles of the clear in the rubbish bin. I leave three bottles on the counter and check if the man is breathing. He lies on the couch, a knife clutched in his arms. He's breathing, so I leave the house.

When I go back to my house, I'm surprised to not find several buns in front of my door. It's weird that Peeta forgot, but maybe he's working on something big in the basement. Or maybe he has fallen asleep. Either way, I choose to ignore it for once. I'm not hungry today anyways.

I enter the house and put the birds and squirrel on the kitchen counter. I go upstairs and take another shower. After the shower, I braid my wet hair in the most easiestway there is and go downstairs to prepare my dinner.

I clean the birds and squirrel and put them in the oven. I'm not very good at cooking, but I eat it nonetheless. I have to wait about an hour for it to finish and when it does, I devour all of it quickly, but this time without the usual buns. It irks me that my usual routine is broken, but I don't want to go to Peeta. I can't face him.

When the sun is setting, the phone rings. I don't bother picking up, knowing in probably is Dr. Aurelius. He calls once a week to check on me. It's not his usual time to call; it doesn't fit my usual routine so I leave it ringing.

When it finally stops ringing, I clean my dishes and go upstairs. I untangle my braid. Before I close my curtains, I check if Peeta has brought the game I hunted for him in like he always does, but this time it still is in front of his grey door.

I wonder why he hasn't picked up the game. Did he buy meat at the butcher today? Did he realize he couldn't take my meat anymore because I hunted for it illegally? Wasn't he happy with our arrangement? About our routine? I want to go to him and demand answers, but I refrain myself. It's not my case to worry about.

I climb in the bed which is far too big for me alone. The bed is almost swallowing me and it's the first time in weeks that I'm really bothered by it. I step out of bed and open the drawer of my closet. I take the parachute out and open the case. I take out the pearl and twirl it between my fingers. I go back to bed and clench my fist tight with the pearl in it.

It takes a while for me to fall asleep, but when I do it's restless and I wake up panting and sweating. That also is part of the routine, I realize. Waking up in terror from the nightmares that haunt me; it definitely belongs in my routine. I draw a deep breath before I lie back down, the pearl still clasped in my hand.

I always tell myself that tomorrow will be a brand new day, a new start, but who am I kidding? There isn't a day that I don't wake up dreaming of my little sister. I just wish I could be with her. I told her I would protect her, but Coin killed her. A rippled sound escapes my throat as I think of that woman.

Later I fall back in a restless sleep. Flashes of birds, screams and parachutes invade my dreams, like always.

The next day I wake up and start my routine per usual. I peel the soaking wet clothes off of me and jump in a cold shower. After that, I go back to my room to change. It's still early, **(semi-colon) **I might catch Greasy Sae in the kitchen if I'm quick. Before I make my way downstairs I check if Peeta has cleaned his front step of the old meat yet, he hasn't.

I want to be furious at him. I took time to hunt food for him and he doesn't even bother opening his door, but I know in my gut something isn't right, that he has a reason for not picking up the meat. In all these months we have been back, he has never left the game on his front step. It doesn't fit the routine and even though Peeta is unaware of my routine, I am quite sure he has one himself. I want to make sure he's okay, but don't want to knock on his door and find him being perfectly fine in his house. Even though I miss him, I like to pretend I don't.

I go downstairs, finding Sae cleaning the dishes from yesterday. It seems weird to me for she always leaves that to me.

"Good morning," I murmur as I rummage to through the drawers to find a sack of hot chocolate powder. I quickly find one and make some hot chocolate for myself.

"Good morning Katniss. How did you sleep?" Sae asks. I want to laugh, since the question is ridiculous. She knows I never sleep fine. These months, since I've been back, she has woken me up multiple times to make sure I'm okay and to put a wet cloth on my forehead.

Instead, I say I slept fine. I see in her eyes she doesn't believe me, but she doesn't say anything. She merely goes on scrubbing the pans I have used yesterday and the day before.

After a while of silence and sipping hot chocolate, I ask the question that has been bugging me ever since I looked out of that window in my room.

"Do you know why Peeta hasn't picked up the game from his doorstep?"

Greasy Sae sighs and turns around. She has a sympathetic look on her face;I realize something serious has happened to Peeta. "I'm sorry Katniss. They took Peeta away yesterday morning. I am surprised you didn't hear them coming for him."

My heart seems to be stopping with beating. I look at Sae and realize she isn't joking. Tears are flooding my eyes, but I hold them back. I take a deep breath and nod as if she didn't bring me horrible news a second ago.

"Why?"

"He has been having multiple fits again. I called the doctor yesterday. He was screaming that you- that you were a mutation. It seems that the hijacked part of him is taking over again," she says.

"Where is he?" I ask, feeling incredibly numb.

"He's in the hospital in the District. Doctor Aurelius will be arriving shortly."

I nod, not knowing what to do. I put the mug in the sink before I head upstairs. I figure since Peeta has broken our comfortable and simple cycle, I figure I can break that stupid routine as well. I undress myself and go back to bed, a burning feeling tugging at my chest.

I want to scream forall I have been through. He's back to being the hijacked Peeta. I hate it, am furious at him, even though I know it isn't his fault. How did he turn back?

_My name is Katniss Everdeen, I'm seventeen years old. I survived a rebellion. My sister was killed by Coin. Peeta was hijacked, he was healed and now he is back being his hijacked self. I hate him for going back to that state._


	2. Days

**Disclaimer: None of this is mine, except for the plot.**

A/N: Updated on 22/08 - grammar mistakes are deleted. I was helped by my wonderful beta by my lovely beta MissingMommy, all other mistakes are mine!

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_Chapter 2_

_On the first day that I am aware that Peeta is gone, _I sit on the chair in my room all day, simply staring outside my window. There's a light breeze, but the weather is quite lovely. I can't be bothered going outside htrough. With the pearl in my hand, I look at his house, where he, as I, live alone. I wonder what has happened that made him go crazy. Was it that he never had contact with anyone but Sae? Or was it like the bomb Gale created? First, the first visions and many months later worse visions? I want to cry out in frustration, but I don't.

I wonder what happened to his house. Sae had mentioned he had destroyed it, maybe even beyond repair. I had just shrugged when she told me, but now I want to know. I look out my window, wondering how I did not see how messed up his house was when I went by two days ago. His curtains are closed now so I can't see anything.

_On the second day of Peeta's absence, _I decide to go to Peeta's house. With my hunting boots and jacket I got from Delly, I go outside. There's the same breeze as yesterday, a tad colder though.

I remember when I got a loaf of breadwith a paper next to it. It simply said: 'If I don't come out for two days, come and check on me. The key is in the third bucket on the left. - Peeta'. I actually didn't go to his house. He destroyed his house, because of me, in some way. I feel guilty, even if I didn't do anything.

I open the door and the whole house is indeed destroyed, it's beyond recognition. I slowly walk inside, eyeing the rooms. There's an expensive vase broken on the floor, flowers are spread over the floor and there's a water stain on the wall.

The living room is a massive chaos. The couch is thrown down and ripped, there is a burst in the television and the table has been moved and flipped. Seeing this makes me depressed as ever, this mess, it is all because of me. Had I not been here, this never would have happened.

I take the stairs to the basement, bracing myself for whatever there is to come. I switch on the light and,to my surprise, none of the painting are ripped and thorn apart. I walk to the first painting. I recognize the beach and us holding each other, it was the 75th Quarter Quell. I moved to the next one. Tender fingers wrapped around someone's neck with blond hair. It is me and Peeta. An event that had never occurred. Only in Peeta's head. Moving to the others, they only get worse. Tears are burning in my eyes. I hate them, always did, always will do.

_On the fifth day that Peeta is gone,_I am sulking on the sofa. I hate the blasted sofa. It's uncomfortable and it frankly annoys me. Still I always find myself lying on the damn thing.

I am zapping through the channels. It seems to be 'remind Katniss of Peeta day' for it shows many clips of him. I hate it and throw the remote against the wall, it falls apart. I merely laugh. Blasted TV, blasted remote and blasted Peeta Mellark for leaving like this.

Greasy Sae sees me on the couch and says I have to get out. It does not do well to sulk on the couch. I merely shrug, becauseI do not care. She places a bowl with hot soup on the table;I leave it untouched as I try to get comfortable on that horrible sofa.

My telephone goes off five times today. I don't pick up. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to leave this couch. I don't want anything, but everyone seems to want to bother me. I scream out in frustration.

Peeta being gone, it eats me alive. I hate it.I hate him for making me this way. I should make a list of why I hate Peeta at the moment. I decide against it. This whole thing, it's making me barking mad. I feel like a zombie. I already felt like a zombie when I always did the routine, but this is worse, this feeling of agony.

Sixth time that the phone goes off. I move from my couch and plug the damn thing out. My ears are still ringing though; the ringing of the phone seems to be stuck in my ears. It's the second time I scream out in frustration.

_On day eight,_Greasy Sae suggests that I should go to the District's hospital and see how Peeta's doing. I ask if she's barking mad, he will try to kill me. Greasy shakes her head, andI ignore her. She seems to be pityme, I decide right there and then that I don't want it. I don't care.

I lie in bed all day, tossing and turning. I haven't slept well in a week. I blame Peeta. I mentally add not being able to sleep on the list of why I hate Peeta Mellark.

The nightmares have worsened over the days. Another reason to hate Peeta since all these dreams involveshim. Him dying because of me. I promised to protect him. I didn't.

_On the eleventh day of his absence, _I feel like I'm going crazy out of my mind. I leave my house and find myself on Peeta's doorstep once again. I enter the house and it still is a mess like the last time I went.

The living room is the first place I start to clean. I flip back the table and turn the couch around. I throw the paintings that have holes in it away and mob the floor. I never liked cleaning, but for some reason I don't mind doing his house. It looks quite better already, moving the furniture into the right places and such.

I busy myself the whole day. Doing this and that in his house. It is weird being in his house after all these months. I just feel like I have to clean this, for this all was partly my fault. I wonder how his mind works at the moment. Those visions. I decide I don't even want to know. Not now, not ever.

I once again ponder about the fact if I should see Peeta or not. The thought has been in my mind for a few days already, but I am terrified going there. What if it's like the last time? When he tried to strangle me, kill me right then and there. Like I was a dirty mutt, created by the hands of Snow.

My hands are trembling when I think of it. I decide to retreat. I lock his house up and leave to **(for)** my own. I peel the dirty clothes of, pull on my pajamas and fall into a restless sleep.

_Day fifteen, _is when I decide to go to Haymitch. His house is in shambles and I decide to quickly clean it as well. It seems that cleaning helps my mind to get off of things that usually occupy my mind.

I clean several plates and pans. I throw away a few bottles and realize he only has about five left. I make a note to go to the Hob and buy him some more bottles of the liquor and move on scrubbing the floor. It's dirty work, for all Haymitch does is throw his things and onthe floor.

I throw the window open, hoping the fresh air will take away the horrible smell that has invaded his house. I try to wake Haymitch after I pry the knife from his fingers. After a lot of tossing and turning on his side, he wakes up.

I take him upstairs for a shower and leave a new set of clothes on his sink for him to wear when he is done. When he's busy in the bathroom, I go back downstairs to do the floor in the living room.I throw some more bottles away and put the papers on a neat pile on the coffee table. When Haymitch is downstairs, I tell him I will bring him more liquor tomorrow. He mutters a thank you and I leave him be.

It has been the first day in many that I haven't thought about Peeta.

_On day seventeen_ I am back thinking about Peeta Mellark. It agitates me to no end that I don't know how he is doing. I just seem to realize that I liked seeing him out in his garden, just a glimpse of that blonde hair seems enough now. I haven't seen that blonde hair in more than two weeks. I want to know how he is doing. Greasy Sae says he's recovering quite well. I know she is lying. She doesn't want me to think of him too much. I do though.

That's why, on day seventeen,I go to the hospital. With a lot of help from others,I built this hospital when I was back. For once I am glad I did. I had the best doctors and nurses hired, just to be sure. Part of me had hoped mother would come back and work in this hospital, she didn't. Of course, she didn't. I sigh and I wonder if Dr. Aurelius is already here. He has called me many times, not that I picked up.

When I'm at the front desk ready to ask for Peeta, I stop myself. Why would he want to see me of all people? He thinks I am ready to kill him. I don't want to see him just yet, I decide. I quickly scurry away, hoping no one has seen me.

_The twentieth day of Peeta being gone,_I find myself on his doorstep once again with a box in my hand. I go to the basement and avoid those unnerving paintings like a plague, which is hard considering they're all over the basement. I go to the back and put paint and brushes in the box along with paper to paint on.

I leave his house and make my way to the hospital, which is not far from The Hob. I recognize Delly at the counter. We do a bit of small talk and I then hand her the box with painting equipment. She is surprisedI actually brought paint for him. She smiles at the gesture and asks me if I want to see Peeta. I shake my head. I'm not ready yet, not that she has to know. Delly nods and says she will bring the box as soon as she can. I thank her and bid her good bye. She does the same.

_On the twenty second day of the whole ordeal _I find myself back in the hospital. Once again I am talking to Delly. She says Peeta is doing better now he is painting. He knows it comes from me, but Delly tells me he doesn't believe it. I realize that he still thinks I am a stinking and evil mutt. It ruins my whole mood and I curtly leave, not even bothering to say goodbye to Delly.

_When Peeta has been gone for a month,_I go back to the hospital. With the pearl in the pocket of my pants, I ask the girl behind the counter, who isn't Delly, in which room Peeta Mellark is. She is surprised to see me, clearly recognizing me. I give her a pointed look, hoping she won't say anything regarding me being in the rebellion. She doesn't. Insteadshe tells me he is on the second floor, room seven. I thank her not only for helping me, but also for not really talking to me and take the stairs up.

In front of the door of number seven I take a deep breath and take the clink of the red door in my hand. I can't help but wonder why I never asked to do the design of the hospital, though designing isn't my strongest point; this is the most horrifying shade of red I have ever seen. I close my eyes for a second and then push the door open. I am welcomed with an ear ringing scream which I identify as Peeta's.

**Loved it? Hated it? Review!  
I, by the way, changed my penname. It used to be Aftertherebellionallwaswell, but it now is atlashands13 . **


	3. Hospitalized

_AN: I want to thank all of you for reviewing/favouriting/alerting to my fic. I am really glad you like it. _

_Disclaimer: I am not Suzanne Collins, if I were to be her, I'd probably be spending my money and not write fanfiction._

_A/N: Updated on 22/08 - grammar mistakes are deleted. I was helped by my wonderful beta by my lovely beta MissingMommy, all other mistakes are mine!_

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_Chapter 3_

I look at Peeta while he is restrained by four men in white jackets. He looks at me, his blue eyes holding my gaze. He screams and my heart is beating in my chest. Straps are knotted around his wrists and ankles, but he keeps struggling. I feel myself being unable to breathe as I watch the horrifying scene in front of me.

He tries to scream again, but this time only muffled sounds escape his mouth as a cloth covers his mouth. His gaze is venomous and I know Peeta can overpower these men if he wants to.

And he does, he punches one of the men in the black jacket right in his jaw. One hand of his is loose as the man has fallen to the floor and it making noises. He flexes his fingers before the second guard is down. My breathe catches in my throat as both his legs are freed and he jumps from the leather chair. He flexes all his fingers again, before he makes a run for me. He seems determined to finish me off once and for alland that with his bare hands.

His screams overthrow my rippled sounds that escape my throat and in panic I cover myself with my hands. I wait for him to come and strangle me to death, maybe I deserve it.

I feel strong arms wrap around me, I am dragged into the observation room by the strong arms. When I'm inside I can finally breatheagain, but my gaze is still fixated at the troubling scene in front of me.

"That got out of hand," Dr. Aurelius murmurs before he locks the door and sits on the chair in front of the bleeping machine. "Next time make sure you go through the other entrance."

"He tried to kill me again," I state. I'm trembling slightly as I see Peeta getting bound to chair with ropes. He's struggling, but not as much as before.

"Katniss, long time no see," Dr. Aurelius speaks. He doesn't take his eyes off of Peeta when he addresses me. "I was already wondering when you'd come, took you long enough."

"I have been busy," I reply, happy I finally am able to breathe normally. It's a weak lie and I'm pretty sure Dr. Aurelius doesn't seem to believe it either. He luckily doesn't elaborate on the subject more than is needed.

"Take a seat, Katniss," he says and points to the chair next to him. I do as he says and together we sit in silence observing Peeta.

Looking at the state Peeta is in, I feel sorry for him, I want to unstrap him and release his pain, but I can't. He has to heal, stop thinking I want to kill him. It's all my fault;I shouldn't have left him in the Quarter Quell.

As if Dr. Aurelius is able to read my mind, he says: "It isn't your fault, Katniss. He was just too isolated from the world. No one was there to help him when he had those fits. He tried to stop himself, we called daily, but he snapped."

I nod. "I shouldn't have ignored him."

Dr. Aurelius doesn't say anything anymore. Instead, he takes a notebook in his hand and starts writing in it. I reckon they're observations he has made when looking at Peeta, or even at me. I knew it was a mistake to come here. The little cube is suffocating me, but I stay.

"Is he- Is he recovering well so far?" I ask after a long and far too awkward silence.

Dr. Aurelius shakes his head. "I'm afraid not. The techniques we used last time, he seems immune to them this time. He still wakes him every few hours, screaming. You can see the terror in his eyes."

"Can I go in, talk to him?" I ask, before I change my mind.

"I don't think it's a good idea Katniss. So far only Miss Cartwright has been able to talk to him normally since he has been here. He's quite shell shocked. He won't even talk to me."

"I need to talk to him."

"I'm afraid I can't let you. You do remember what happened to you a few minutes ago. We can't risk that again."

"Let me talk to him!" I demand and before the doctor can stop me,I run for the door and enter the room Peeta is in.

Entering the room is a fatal mistake though. When Peeta sees me he begins to scream murder and the guards are nowhere to be seen. I back up against the wall as I see Peeta pulling at the ropes trying to get his hands on me and kill me before I leave.

"Evil mutt!" he roars. "The rest may be blinded, but I know you're nothing but a created creature by Snow. You may lay low now, but soon you will kill us all! I won't let you though, you evil stinking mutation!"

The words hit my like a bus. Tears are welling up in my eyes as I see the terror in his eyes. He is kicking frantically in the ear. His voice booming in the room. I can't look away though;our gazes seem to be locked.

After taking a deep breath,I manage turn around ready to go out the door, but it won't budge. My ears are ringing from Peeta's screams. He still is screaming. My breathing is uneven and I am starting to hyper ventilate as I pull at the door and try to open it.

"You won't get away this time. They're on my side! No one believes you, you filthy evil mutt!"

"Stop!" I gasp as I keep pulling at the door. "Stop!"

Suddenly I am dragged away from the door and pulled into the cube where I previously was with Dr. Aurelius. I am still gasping for air and my heart is beating in a rapid tempo. I am shaking uncontrollably and the only sound that is filling the room are my sobs.

I am pushed into a sofa and a pill in shoved down my throat. I can feel myself struggling and my vision is getting blurry. Minutes later I feel my breathing slow down. I feel myself get drowsy and soon I am knocked out completely.

I wake up later. My throat is sore and it takes a few minutes before I remember where I am and what has happened.

"Good, you're awake," the doctor says. He walks to me and checks my pulse and breathing. He nods and takes a seat on the chair beside the sofa.

"Do you remember what happened, Katniss?"

"The event is foggy, but I remember Peeta screaming and then I ended up clawing at the door and trying to get out," I reply, my voice breaking a little.

"Good, good. Yes, you had quite a panic attack. I had warned you, but it had been interesting how both of you reacted. I hadn't quite expected yours to be honest," he says and hands me a cup of water. "I thought you would've learned from your attack in the beginning, but you've always been stubborn."

I drink down the water at once and I stare out of the one way mirror and see Peeta sleeping. The brown leather chair seems to have disappeared when I was knocked out**) **and is replaced by a bed where Peeta is sleeping. He is turning and tossing though, he clearly has a nightmare. Maybe it's one of his fake memories. Maybe he sees me stabbing him. The thought irks me and I quickly focus on Peeta again. His wrists and ankles luckily aren't bound to the bed, allowing him to move wherever he pleases. In the other corner I recognize the box with the painting equipment.

"He paints quite a lot," Dr. Aurelius says. "Usually they are events that have never occurred, but sometimes he paints things that have, for example Rue's death."

I nod, not wanting to think about Rue's death. Even after all these years Rue still appears in my dreams. Sometimes as her sweet, innocent self, suddenly taking out a knife and slitting my throat or it's her in form of a wolf mutation, biting my head off. It's never a good dream though.

"That's good," I reply.

"You should pick up your phone more often, Katniss."

"I don't want to. The ringing gives me a headache. I plugged it out again."

"You shouldn't do that."

I merely shrug and look around the cube. It's weird that Peeta can't see us, while we can see him. The cube itself is small, Dr. Aurelius, two other doctors and I barely have any space left to move around.

I move away from the leather sofa - which is far more comfortable than the one I have at home - and look at the machines that are placed in front of the mirror.

"We regulate what happens in his room with that," the doctor tells me.

"Interesting," I reply and push the blue button in front of me. A white block rises from the floor with a glass of water.

"What time is it?" I ask Dr. Aurelius.

"Just fifteen minutes past seven. You should go home and get some sleep. If you want to, you can visit tomorrow again."

I thank the doctor and make my way to the door which also brings me to Peeta's room. I'm slightly terrified of going there again -but there's no other way out. I take a deep breath and brace myself for the inevitable and hope Peeta doesn't wake up.

"Katniss, why don't you use that door?" Dr. Aurelius says as he points at the door next to the leather chair. I smile sheepishly and thank him again before I exit.

"Be sure to use that door again when you return!" I hear him say before I close the door.

I stuff my hands in my pockets and stride to the exit of the hospital. It has been a long day and I still need to have dinner, so I decide to go to the Hob. I barely spend time at the Hob. I helped rebuilding it, but when it was finished I couldn't bring myself to go there every day. I usually only get some alcohol for Haymitch and leave. It has been awhile since I have eaten here.

It's busy in the Hob, like always. I recognize a lot of familiar faces, they smile at me and I do to in return. I stop at several stalls to talk and buy something, even if I don't need it. After that I go to Greasy Sae's stall where she is very surprised to see me.

"Katniss," she says smiling before she fills a bowl with soup and shoves it in my hands. "Eat! You look you haven't eaten anything in ages."

She hits it right on the nail as I indeed haven't slept or ate quite well for a month or so now. Ever since Peeta left, I just can't bring myself to. It's pathetic that the whole thing affects me this much; I didn't seem to care a lot when he was still home in Victor's Village.

I slowly eat the food she has readied for me. After dinner, she tells me it's on her and that I don't need to pay. I shake my head and toss down a few coins, that covers the dinner and more, on the table. I thank Greasy Sae and head back to the Hellhole.

At home I jump right in bed, not even bothering changing. Today has been a bizarre day and it terrified me. My dreams involve the attacks by Peeta as well and I awake multiple times at night, finding myself shaking and sobbing.

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_AN2: Hated it? Loved it? Leave a review! - Atlas_


	4. Caring

_Chapter 4_

It's raining tonight. It started as little droplets and in minutes in went to really hard, banging rain. Thunderclaps are loud and startling across the sky. The rain is hard against my tired skin, and ice cold, and by the time I'm properly standing in the banging rain, I feel numb. My hunting boots sloshing in puddles and mud, but I don't seem to care. But that's it, isn't it? I haven't cared about anything in the last few months. There nothing and no one to care about. Caring about people will end up being their death. It's better not to care, I decided a long time ago.

It's cold and I'm getting wet. I know by tomorrow I will be sick and coughing. For once,I don't care. There's that word again; care. It makes you free, not caring. If you don't care, you don't get hurt. If you end up caring, you end up getting hurt. Maybe I do care, just a little, about Peeta. It won't kill him, it'll probably kill me.

My head is starting to ache and I know I should get inside, but I don't. I rather like nights like these, where everythingis quiet. I like quiet. Today was a quiet day. I went outside after I had my porridge and sat on the bench. I haven't had lunch or dinner, but I'm not hungry anyways. All there is a numbing feeling.

There's a full moon. Along with the lightning it lights up the dark skies. My body has started trembling. It's passed midnight and maybe a tad too cold to sit outside with only a sleeveless shirt and denims.

I look around Victor's Village. There are exactly twelve houses here. They all look the same, white and massive. They look like haunted houses, it's all dark and no one lives in there. There's light coming from Haymitch's house though. He's more a night owl, I realize.

The ache in my head is getting worse, so is the trembling of my body. My throat is sore and I somehow wonder how my voice sounds like. I haven't heard it all day. Inside I hear the phone ringing; it seems like Greasy Sae has plugged it in again. I wonder who has decided to call me this late. I find myself not caring again and leave it ringing.

It feels good, not caring. Then a meow breaks my thoughts and I eye the ugly cat in front of me. It meows again, like it would meow if Prim was here. And suddenly I break down in heart-wrenching sobs.

I realize it's all too much. Everyone being gone. The people I care about being dead. I hate it and I want to stop feeling the pain. I want to stop envisioning their deaths. They just always replay in my head over and over again, even if I try not to care. And even though I try not to care, not to feel, I still do. And I realize it's a burden I will forever carry with me. That I am the blame for all these people's deaths, if not directly.

I find myself thinking about Annie, who lost her husband because of me. And I hate it, I hate leaving her behind with nothing but the wind trying to take away her pain. And then there's Peeta, who is completely out of his mind and fucked up because of me. I find myself having to take the blame for that as well, because if I hadn't pulled that stunt with the nightlock it never would've happened. And I wonder why I just didn't die in the arena. Maybe someone else could've pulled a stunt and there would be a rebellion, but my sister, Finnick and so many more wouldn't be hurt like this. And I wouldn't have to carry that awful burden I will always have to carry with me.

I draw my knees to my chest and sob. The banging of the thunder takesaway the sounds. I realize I am being selfish, but I don't give a care in the world, because I just want to stop feeling. I just want to be able to breathe again and be careless and free. Even if I never really was careless and free. I should've takes Gale's offer back then. To live in the woods and never come back. I then find myself cursing at myself for thinking about Gale and how he just ran away like a coward. I hate missing him and I need some normality in my life, but life never is simple. Simplicity doesn't exist, even when I did that awful routine every day for the past few months, it wasn't simple. Because things can't be simple, there is always someone or something to make things hard and complex again. That's how life is and I realize I hate it. I hate life and I hate having to think about it.

When I wake up,the sun just came up. There's a pink hue over the District and I find myself being enchanted by it. I jump of the bench and head back inside. I unplug the telephoneand head for a long and hot shower.

The hot water is very soothing for my body. Yesterday wasn't a good idea to be outside and actually fall asleep, but I can't be bothered at the moment. I just want to take a shower and lay down for a bit.

I find myself coughing rapidly under the shower. I am pretty sure I have fallen ill, but I don't mind since it's a valid excuse to not go to Peeta. It isn't that I don't want to see him;it's just that everything terrifies me. His venomous glare, his screeches and screams. Also a part of me feels guilty for putting him in the state he is. And even though many people tell me it isn't my fault, it is mine, even if it's indirectly. But that's what it is, with great victory, comes sacrifice. And some people just have to sacrifice more than others.

I lie down in bed coughing, tossing and turning, until Greasy Sae comes in. She is horrified when she sees me, not expecting me to be ill, only depressed. Somehow I don't feel as depressed as I did and I wonder if it was because of the breakdown yesterday. Either way I don't want to think about it too much, since it's giving me a headache.

Sae brings me a bowl of soup which soothes my throat. She asks me how my meeting with Peeta was the other day. I reluctantly start telling about how he attacked me and such, but I don't want to think too much about it. All thinking has brought me is misery, but just like caring and feeling, I can't seem to stop thinking.

The meowing of Buttercup interrupts my train of thoughts. I allow the ugly cat to lie down with me in bed and laugh every time he winces when I cough and sneeze. It has been awhile since I've laughed like this.

I want to go outside again, sit on the bench until nightfall, but Greasy Sae won't let me. So instead I fall back into a state of sleeping and being awake. The nightmares keep waking me up, but I'm too tired to actually stay awake. But when I fall back into a restless slumber, I wake up again, coughing and sweating.

It's quiet in the housewhen I wake up, but then again it's always quiet. It's empty here and the silence seems to be driving me crazy today. Usually I find myself rather enjoying a peaceful day like this, but today it's making me barking mad and I don't like it.

Instead of moping in the house and making myself crazy, I climb out of bed. I take the grey winter coat from the hanger of my closet and go downstairs. I still am coughing and sneezing, but not as much as earlier today.

Once I am outside, I find myself being cold. It's rather chilly outside, but the wind whooshing is just the noise I need, so I wrap my coat tighter around me and leave Victor's Village behind me. The night has yet to fall, so I enjoy it while I can.

It has been two days since I visited Peeta and I know Dr. Aurelius is waiting for me to come. I know I want to visit Peeta but I can't bare seeing him how he is now. It terrifies me and I feel awful for being terrified of him. A part of me also misses him. The loaves he would bake and put on my front step or how he sometimes would add a cheesebun as well, still knowing it was my favourite. I remember the first time he did that he added a note. 'You love cheesebuns, real or not real?' It just seems so far away now. And I know I shouldn't have closed myself from Peeta, because in the beginning we did well. And I thought maybe I could fall in love with him, live a normal and maybe even simple life. Even if simplicity doesn't exist, maybe the two of us could come near simple.

I sigh and suddenly find myself at the square of District Twelve. They wracked the whole place and then planted new trees and flowers. Some were primroses, yellow like a duck. I never figured out if they did that on purpose or just liked the flowers, but neverthelessupon first seeing the bushes I had smiled.

"Miss Everdeen, you alright?" A man asks me as he joins me on the bench in the square. He's old and his clothes are filthy. I have never seen him in the District, but then again I don't go out a lot and there have been a lot of refugees from different Districts coming to ours.

"I'm fine," I reply.

"That's good," he replies with a toothy grin. "I come from District Seven. I wanted to have a new life, start something new. A bit of a pity I live on the streets now."

I wonder why he tells me this. Does he want my money? Or does he tell every stranger he sees that he is poor and living on the street? But then again, am I a stranger to him? He probably saw me when I was in action in the rebellion.

"I am sorry to hear that."

"Don't. I enjoy sleeping on grass, just star gazing at night. It's relieving. This District has one of the brightest stars I've ever seen. You should try it sometime, stargazing. It helps me make up my mind."

"I tried yesterday. I wanted to, but it starting raining and then I caught a cold," I tell him before I sneeze.

"There ain't no stars in the sky when it's crying. Try it at a bright night. I feel tonight's going to be one. A pretty good one at that," he tells me before his eyes go up. "Yes Miss Everdeen, tis going to be a good one."

"I will," I tell him as I look at the bright sky as well.

We sit there in silence for a while. It feels weird enjoying someone's company when you don't even know that person. But the man seems easy to talk to and for once I decide to leave him be.

"You seem to know my name, what is yours?"

"Custard Closeheart," he replies. "You know Miss Everdeen, never take life for granted. Stop pondering, live in the moment. Go visit your lover. Just damn it all."

I look at him, my expression probably beyond confused. "Excuse me?"

"You want to see Mister Mellark don't you? You think it's not going to heal him, but it will. You see, in Seven, I was a doctor, a pretty amazing one, if I may say so. But, the point is, familiar faces always help."

"How do you know about Peeta?"

"It is all over the news. They said you were devastated and that **(that) **you were with him twenty four, seven. But I don't think you are. I think you a scared of seeing the boy. Am I right?"

"You have no right to speak of matters you know nothing about, Mr. Closeheart. Now I must go, it was nice talking to you," and with that I leave the man on the bench and go back to my house.

His words did hit me hard. He was right. I did want to see Peeta and I was scared, but I didn't want him to know. I didn't want anyone to know, it was my own fear I had to face. And I would do that in my own time.

And mister Custard Closeheart was nice enough. He had a funny name too. And just maybe I had to live a bit more and stop sulking. Just see him and talk to him.

**Bit random about the OC, but this more a filler than anything else. Next chapter will have more action, I promise. Was a bit sad I only had one reviewer last chapter, so I want to thank Browniangel for reviewing. Please do leave a review if you like it or even if you didn't x atlas.**

**PS. This story still needs a beta, so if you are interested, please do PM me. Also review! xx**


	5. Timeless

_Disclaimer: None is mine, I wish Peeta was mine though!_

_Chapter 5_

And suddenly I find myself in front of the door of Peeta's room again. It has been five days since I had last visited. I kept telling myself I didn't go because I was too sick, but the truth is, is that I have been putting it off. I do miss him and I want him back, but I am not sure if I'm ready to be attacked by him again. Everything just seems so surreal. It has been more than a month since he is here and there is zero improvement. I worry about him, because I need the old Peeta back.

I enter the cube where Dr. Aurelius is stirring a mug of coffee. He looks up and smiles at me. He pats the seat next to him and,without a proper greeting,I join him observing Peeta.

It's early in the morning and Peeta is still sleeping. His hands are bound to the bed, but he isn't tossing and turning like he was the first time I was here. He seems rather peaceful, his features angelic. It's nice to see him like that and not as someone that wants to murder me.

"Do you want something to drink?" asks me as he puts his mug down on the table and stands up, stretching his arms and legs.

"Do you have hot chocolate?" I reply.

"Ah yes, 's favourite. He likes to drink it when he's painting, you know."

I wonder why keeps telling me these random facts about Peeta. Sure,they are nice, but I always get a weird feeling in my stomach after he tells them. I sigh and watch leave.

I realize I am alone with Peeta now. It has been months since I've been alone with Peeta and I feel uncomfortable, but maybe it's because he's sleeping and I am openly staring at him. He looks pale, I observe. And his blond hair is tousled. Helooks tired even when he's asleep.

I find myself making my way to the door that leads to Peeta's observation room. Softly I turn the knob and close the door behind me. I then sit on the wooden stool which is placed in the corner. I look at him, his chest going heavily up and down. Breathing in. Breathing out. He's kicking his legs up and down, trying to free his legs from the rope around his ankles. I shuffle softly towards the boy and trail his bed made of steel with my hand, I notice they are trembling. At the end of the bed I find myself pulling at the ropes, untying it and freeing both his ankles. It does take a while for I'm trembling like crazy. Peeta's ankles are red and sore from the struggling with the ropes and I want to massage him, so the pain is gone, but I stop myself. It's dangerous enough that I untied him partly. I don't recall myself having a dead wish.

I turn back to the wooden stool and find myself knotting the rope, like Finnick once taught me. And then I find my thoughts back at Finnick, I think of how I couldn't save him and how Annie is alone with little Finn. The young boy looks a lot like his father, blond hair, bronze in the sun and green eyes. A spitting image you could say. Somehow Finn keeps Annie sane. She sometimes seems to talk to space, calling it Finnick; and at times like that I pity her, because Finnick is gone and I don't want her to live with an illusion that Finnick is by her side. How could fate be such a pain in the arse? I would've loved to give my life to Finnick. I have no one leftbut my mother, whom I never speak to or see. But Finnick, Finnick had a beautiful son and a wife waiting for him to return. It's just unfair that with great victory, there also is sacrifice.

Then Peeta's eyes snap open and he looks at me, there's a mortifying look on his face, like he's scared of me. But maybe he is scared. He thinks I'm a mutt, maybe he thinks I'm going to corrupt his mind. So I decide to just wait for it, the inevitable. Where he lunges his body at me and kills me. And I realize it's a pathetic thought and I should stop thinking like that, but I don't. I merely watch Peeta kicking his legs in the air and making crippled noises. I feel sorry for him, but I just stare.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I find myself say. I don't even know where I got the courage from. It seems dangerous, but I await his response, because I miss his voice. I miss his smile and I just miss everything.

He stops kicking the air and watches me. No crippled sounds escape his mouth again. His eyes narrow as he looks at me. I wonder if he is waiting for me to continue, I don't, instead I wait for him to talk, because I miss the sound of his voice. But he doesn't talk, he just stares at me for seems an eternity and I stare back, because it's all I find myself being able to do.

I speak up again, this time I sound less broken and unsure. "I'm not here to hurt you. I want to help you."

And that snaps him out of his daze and he roars out again and frantically kicks the air and tries to get to me. I want to run away, but I don't, because I want him to know that I'm a friend and I'm here for him. No matter what. So I wait until he's tired and his eyes are drooping, then I stand up and look at him a bit closer. His breathing is rigged, his chest caving and rising in short pants.

"If I were you**, **I'd stop kicking like that. They're going to sedate you if you keep struggling," I tell him. I try to keep my voice steady, but it's awfully hard when looking at Peeta.

He ignores me then, but I know he has heard me and that's enough. I don't want him to be sedated, because then he'll be knocked out for several days. I don't want that to happen to him, he doesn't deserve it.

I mumble a quick apology before I exit and am back in cube with Dr . Aurelius looking at me with a bright smile on his face. I wonder what he's smiling for because this whole thing doesn't seem like all fun and games at all.

"You did great, Katniss. You were calm and nice. I'm glad you're here."

I just nod before I take a seat next to him. I take the mug of hot chocolate in my hand and realize it isn't as hot as it usually is. It makes me wonder how long I actually sat there with Peeta. It doesn't matter either way, because I suddenly feel better after my visit to Peeta.

"You're not very talkative, are you?"

I look at him, eyeing him suspiciously. He looks back, smiling. It's more a polite smile, a grin and it creeps me out so I turn my attention back to Peeta. His blue eyes are wide open and he's staring up the cream coloured ceiling. He isn't as aggressive as he was a few minutes ago, that makes me feel better for some reason.

When I look out of the window, the sun has set. Without a word I leave the room. I go home, take a shower and try to sleep. But sleep is futile, I realize. I'm restless and antsy as if I'm waiting for something to get me. But the danger is over, the enemy is dead. It's nerve wrecking to lay in bed and wait for something to happen. It makes me dizzy and at one point I start hyperventilating. I feel weak and it's one of those things I hate feeling. I close my eyes again and I am not sure how long it takes before I'm a sleep, but it takes a while.

* * *

Next morning I skip breakfast and go to the hospital. After it was built, I was allowed to name it. I named in it Primrose. Hospital Primrose because she was a little healer herself. Healing people until she couldn't anymore. Healing people was the last thing she did before the bomb went off. And it makes me feel somewhat better that she died doing what she loved.

I greet Delly and she smiles when she sees me. She asks if I want a mug of tea, I tell her I want one and I wait in the waiting hall for her to bring me one and then I'm off to see Peeta. I'm curious of how he is today, I hope like yesterday, but the chance is small.

I enter the room and to my surprise isn't there, instead there's a young woman sitting on the chair which is his. She turns around and seems surprised to see me. I ignore her look and sit next to her.

"Hello," the blonde doctor says. "I'm Doctor Grey. You must be Katniss?"

I nod, not taking my eyes of the sleeping Peeta.

"Peeta is doing well."

I know she's lying. I was here yesterday. Maybe he was less aggressive, but to him I am still an evil and stinking mutt. So I ignore again. I find her voice annoying, it's high and she sounds far too happy.

"He will wake up soon. They'll hold him back then, the bed changes into a leather chair then. Then they tie his arms up. You sure you want to see that? It looks quite terrible."

I ignore her again and sip my tea as if the woman isn't here. In the corner of my eye, I see her clenching her fists. I reckon she is annoyed by the fact that I don't respond to her. She thinks she knows me, but she doesn't.

"Oh, look Katniss, he is awake!" says a tad too cheerfully for my liking.

I take a deep breath when four men enter the room. White jackets. Just like the first time. He yelps out when he sees them. Screaming his lungs out and frantically kicking his legs and throwing his arms in the air. They grab him just under the armpit and drag him off the bed. He falls with a thud to the hard and cold floor. He yelps out again, this time clearly in pain. The two under man grab Peeta's feet. It takes them awhile for he's kicking at them. One man clearly loses his patience and he drops Peeta's arm again and he slams on the cold floor again. I look at the scene in front of me and it's making me want to vomit. My eyes don't leave the scene though and I clench my fists in order not to run there and lunge myself at the men.

The bed sinks in the floor and the familiar leather chair rises. It reminds me a bit of the platform in the arena and the thought makes me want to vomit again. I look at Peeta and how they're manhandling him. They push him into the chair and force a pill in his mouth. In mere seconds he goes limb and they tie him up. The four men leave and I'm baffled by their method of working.

"He'll be back in half an hour, don't worry," Dr. Grey says.

I look at her and shake my head. I stand up and reach for the door to Peeta's doom.

"Where are you going? You're not allowed to go in there!" she screeches. She waves her hands up and down in the air and I laugh, thinking she really needs to try harder if she wants to stop me. I enter Peeta's room and lock the door so she can't come and get me unless she has the key. I'm pretty sure she doesn't.

I take of the straps off his leg and sit on the wooden stool which I move not too far from the leather chair. His chest is going up and down. He's breathing hard and slow.

Then his eyes snap open and he starts to bark at me. It's the same as the past times and I realize the words do not hit me as hard as they used to do. I'm thankful for that and I wait until he is out of breathe and stops screaming.

I take out the pearl from my pocket and show it to him. He looks at me, his posture makes me think that he's about to attack me, but his eyes show nothing but terror. He's scared of me. It's funny as I'm as terrified of him as he is of me.

"Remember this?" I whisper. "You gave it to me when we were thrown in the arena for the second time."

"You stole it from me! I wouldn't have given that to you!" he barks out.

"But you did," I tell him. "You found a shell. And then you gave it to me."

"Impossible," he says with a sneer.

I don't know this Peeta at all. One that sneers and screams at me. It's as if it's another person just wrapped up in Peeta's body.

"Do you still remember about the bread?" I ask him quietly.

He doesn't reply, meaning he probably does remember. It probably doesn't fit the characteristics of evil mutt Katniss. It doesn't fit Peeta Mellark who hates me either. It's funny and maybe it's just plain insanity, but I laugh.

"I'm not an evil mutt. I'm not here to kill you or to destroy you. I just want you to get better."

It's silent and I find myself not minding it at all. Peeta has his eyes closed and I'm hoping he won't have a fit soon, because I like the silence between us. It's somehow familiar.

_"We planted primroses together. Real or not real?"_

My eyes snap back at him and I can't believe he remembers.

"Real," I tell him before I unlock the door and go back in the cube and leave baffled as well.

* * *

**I hoped you liked the (semi) fluff. Review if you do so, reviews always make my day! Also this story is still in need of a beta. More action next chapter, which will be posted in a day or two, depending on when I have it finished! X Atlas.**


	6. Four

_Chapter 6_

It takes me moments to realize I like observing Peeta. I like how his hair is ruffled because of his horrible ability to spin and roll in his sleep. And how his fists tighten when he is getting 'flashbacks'. I don't like him being in the state where he is, but I like the way he looks. It's weird, I realize, because he's crazy. And it seems that I like him while he looks crazy. It's pathetic and maybe I'm going crazy as well, because who on earth likes to observe crazy people? Who on earth likes how the crazy person looked, yes, I am definitely going mental.

I'm tired. Just awfully tired. I can't seem to sleep though. Nightmares still haunt me at night, so I find myself in the hospital with Peeta instead. Sometimes the overly happy Dr. Grey keeps me company, other days it's . I don't mind . He knows I don't like to talk too much about everything, so he keeps our conversations general. Stupid things like the weather. It's okay, because everything is better than the past, the rebellion, the games.

Then there's . The woman is horrible and tries to get information about the rebellion through me. Most of the time I ignore her, other times I scream at her, because I can't keep my feelings inside according . I'm glad it gives me a free pass to scream at doctors who annoy me.

I'm not allowed to go to Peeta's observation closet too much. I have come used to referring his room to the closet. It's more a closet then a room. It's small, only small and important things like the leather chair fits. The closet and the cube.

He usually screams at night. Nightmares, I reckon. I feel sorry for him, because even if he doesn't want to sleep, he still does. They shove a pill down his throat at ten in the evening precisely. It takes usually five men to do that. Four to restrain Peeta, one to shove the pill down. He goes limb in seconds and sleeps. He's restless like always. But he can't wake up, the pill keeps him asleep.

Tonight is 's night to observe me and Peeta again. She still doesn't let me go to Peeta's closet. I ignore her. She will scream at me for ignoring her. I laugh and usually head out and return next morning. It's a new routine, I realize. This one better than the older one because I don't have to do too much. I've become lazy and I find myself not giving a care in the world.

" went back to the Capitol. He had some business to do there. He'll be returning in seventeen days," says as she sips her coffee.

Her coffee smells horrible. It's a strong melange which makes me want to vomit all over the place. It's tempting to do so; maybe it will make her leave. But I don't, because I don't like puking. So I leave the crazy woman be and hope that soon she will leave me be alonetoo, because her high pitched voice annoys me. Her useless rambling does too.

"It several weeks it will be the anniversary of the rebellion. Are you excited?" asks. "I am. We'll probably be feasting. Maybe Peeta will be better and he can too, wouldn't that be nice?"

I take my head in my hands and growl in frustration. I wonder why just can't stop blabbering on and on. I sigh and head for Peeta's closet. To my surprise she doesn't stop me this time. I'm glad Dr. Grey doesn't and I leave the cube.

He's sleeping, albeit restless, but still sleeping. He isn't tied up, which is an improvement. I find myself being glad that the ropes are gone. I sit on the stool and watch his arms roaming all over the bed. He's making awful noises like he's in pain and I can't help but go over to him.

I look at him, his stomach caving and rising. Suddenly his eyes snap open and he sits up. He looks at me. I step away slowly, he has never woken up before, This is the first time in weeks. I look at him, his eyes are wild and I realize he has a fit.

I stumble over the stool and that wakes him completely. He lunges his body at me, his eyes seem to be on fire. He screams out and his hands are out, ready to grab me. I close my eyes and inhale deeply. There's no way escaping, I heard locking the door from the outside, which means I have no way of getting inside until she unlocks it, but she hasn't. Not yet anyways.

His fingers start clawing at my face and neck. It hurts and burns. I try to push him off of me, but he's far too strong for me. His nails are sharp and I wonder why they haven't cut his nails, but they carve deep into my skin and I can feel myself bleeding because of his clawing. It feels awful and it's making me nauseas. The mixture of my own blood mixed with his screams have me going dizzy. I have no idea where is and I realize I'm going to die.

It's his fourth attempt of killing and I'm surprisingly okay with it this time. Maybe me being dead will free Peeta. Me being dead means I will be able to be with my little sister again. I will be able to see my dad again, whom I haven't seen in years. And suddenly dying doesn't seem so bad anymore. Maybe dying is more like a blessing in disguise now, for I can see every person I love again.

_Primrose. Father. Finnick. Rue. Primrose. Rue. Boggs. Father. Finnick. Madge. Father. Rue. Mags. Primrose._

And I realize maybe it's my turn to die, because the odds were never in my favour anyways. The odds were there, wanting to kill me, from the beginning. From the day I volunteeredto today. Where hijacked Peeta is clawing at my face and screaming, wanting to kill me.

But God, I can't die. Not where I have to leave Peeta alone with memories of me wanting to murder him. Memories that do not exist and are imprinted. I can't have the Capitol have their way even when President Snow's regime has fallen. And even though the idea of dying and being able to be back with everyone I love, I know I can't because I promised to protect Peeta.

So I start screaming and pushing. His grip tightens and I feel his fingers wrap around my neck. I start to panic and scream harder. I try shoving him off of me, but he's too strong. And it hurts. My face is burning from his clawing several moments ago and now I can hardly breathe because of the fingers wrapped around me. The screaming is getting softer as I'm out of breath. I get weaker and my legs bulk. I try to shove Peeta off again. He just looks at me. Blue and grey. I remember his eyes having a certain light in them, a spark, and I notice they're gone. I want to save that light, I decide. Because Peeta needs to come back, so I can fall into my lousy routine again and maybe we can save each other, this time.

Suddenly I get a flashback of the first time I saw Peeta again, after he was hijacked. Like today, his hands were wrapped around my throat. But that day,I had been surprised and shocked and people restrained him. Today I'm all alone and I can't say I'm surprised because this is the fourth attempt of him trying to kill me. Just because past days went well doesn't mean today would be as well. And it isn't, because here I am, getting strangled.

I cough as he tightens his grip around my throat and then I feel myself slipping away and I wonder where in the world is and if she just hates me because I didn't talk to her. So she decided that Peeta killing me is a nice way of getting rid of me. I decide right there and then, before I fall in a state of unconsciousness, that I hate her too. And that she's a lousy doctor. That she should go back to the Capitol and colour her skin an ugly shade of green, because she deserves it. Because I hate her.

* * *

I'm in the hospital, I realize, as I open my eyes. My head is aching and it takes some time for me to actually see straight. I sigh as I cough softly.

"Awake, sweetheart?" I hear Haymitch's voice slur. I snap my head to the side, my neck cracking painfully.

"How long have I been out?" I rasp. My throat is sore and burns. I motion Haymitch that I want a drink.

"About a day or two," he says as he takes a sip of his strong smelling drink. "Peeta knocked you out quite hard."

He puts his glass on the table next to the chair and leaves the room to scream obnoxiously hard for a nurse. I groan in response.

Then all the events hit me. Peeta throwing his body at me. Peeta clawing at my face. Peeta wrapping his hands around my neck. Peeta screaming. Peeta tightening his grip around my throat. And then I'm out. The memories hit me like a train and leave me dazed for a moment. But I am not dead, so maybe the odds are in my favor, because I am still alive and breathing. A part of me is relieved about the fact that I am still alive, but another part of me hates itbecause it was my chance to be reunited with my family and friends again. I sigh and close my eyes for a second.

A nurse enters the room with a cup and a straw. She lifts the straw to my mouth and this water has to be the best thing I've had in months. I sigh again but this time in contentment.

"How are you Katniss?" the nurse asks me as she puts the cup on the table. She walks around the bed and checks my pulse.

"What do you think?" I groan. "I feel terrible, of course. Places on my face seem to be burning and I can barely breathe or talk. I could've been dead."

The nurse nods and pushes a button so that I'm in sitting position. She looks at me for a second and says: "The burning on your face, they're deep scratch marks. Do you know what happened?"

"I unfortunately remember," I murmur before I lay my head back down on the pillow and close my eyes. I'm awfully tired and don't feel very well.

"We'll talk about it later. You should go to sleep for now," she replies and then leaves the room. In no time I'm asleep indeed.

* * *

**Sorry, it took what longer than expected, I hope this satisfied your feels haha. Do you guys have the DVD already? I got a limited edition (2 DISCS) it's amazing, I've been rewatching it ever since. Also I want to thank all of you for reviewing and such, they mean a lot to me. If you're a Beta, please PM me, since I seriously am in need of one. Next chapter still needs to be written, but I hope I can get it up in a week or so, maybe a bit more. Review! X Atlas.**


	7. Rewind

_Special thanks to my lovely beta Sam; MissingMommy.  
Disclaimer: None is mine, except for the plot._

Chapter 7: Rewind

It's the third day in the hospital and I have no idea why they haven't let me get out of this place yet. Haymitch seems to be around a lot, which I find more than suspicious. He never leaves his house, not if it isn't important. And I sure am not important enough to him, right? It is downright frustrating too, to have him with me every day. The smell of alcohol seems to linger in the hospital room making me nauseas which I don't like. On top of that I am not allowed to go to Peeta too. He is considered dangerous now. Everything is just driving me mad and I just want to go home, but it seems like they won't let me go.

"Good morning Katniss," the nurse greets as she enters. Haymitch follows her closely behind and lets himself fall on the chair close to my bed. "How was your sleep?"

"It was fine," I grumble back in reply. I don't want to talk to that woman if she isn't going to give me good news. The hospital is driving me mad and I just want to go hunt and be outside. What happened the other day with Peeta was just an accident, an accident that could've happened to anyone, not just me!

"That's good, with a bit of luck you'll be out of here in two days. Isn't that exciting?" she exclaims and she pushes the knob which will lift my upper body.

"Two days?" I reply, shocked. Two days is far too long and that is if I'm lucky. There's nothing wrong with me, I am a hundred per cent sure of that. The scratch marks on my face have faded, my throat is less sore, I can talk again! Why do they need me here? I don't need to be here. I don't want to be here, it's exhausting.

"Two days, if you're lucky, five days if you're unlucky, the doctors just want to be sure and Dr. Aurelius is returning here earlier so he can see if everything's okay with you and Peeta. Its only for your own benefit."

I sigh in defeat and nod.

"Food will be here in an hour or so, you should rest or talk to Mr. Abernathy for a while," the nurse says before she leaves me and Haymitch alone.

I groan in chagrin. I do not want to talk to Haymitch right now. Most of the time I don't even understand that man. He just talks complete and utter bullshits. It's just the way he is;sometimes he is brighter than other days. When the Games' anniversary comes up, he usually drowns himself in alcohol. This is bad, but it can be worse and it's appalling to see.

"Peeta is doing well, finally, now he thinks he killed you!" Haymitch slurs. "Yes, he will be throwing a party, celebrating your death, while you're not dead!"

Those words make my mind spin. Peeta thinks he has killed me and he's happy about that. I can't believe didn't they tell him that I wasn't dead? That I was still alive and breathing. Yes, I was breathing, and there was nothing wrong with me. I didn't want to give Peeta the satisfaction that I was killed, because I am still alive.

"Bottoms up!" Haymitch screeches in glee before he downs his whole drink. The screech hurts my head and I quickly grip it, hoping it will reduce the pain, but it doesn't. Instead,I keep hearing his screech and how it echoes in my head.

Today really is dreadful, I then decide.

It's the sixth day when the nurse announces I can leave. I am beyond relieved because the hospital was numbing my brains. Haymitch was glad too, he told me. They had forced him to get out of his house and come join me in the hospital. As if that would've helped in my case? No, even though Haymitch could be wise, if he wanted to, I did not enjoy his company.

"You're not allowed to go to Peeta yet, not until Dr. Aurelius returns, which will be in about ten days. You'll also have to do a check-up when he returns, nothing too bad," she tells me as she hands me my clothes.

They're washed, I notice. Usually Greasy Sae does it for me at home, but the clothes don't smell the way they do when Sae washes them. This smells a lot like hospital, an odour I'd rather not have around me.

"Why can't I go to Peeta?" I ask the nurse.

I really want to see him. I won't even enter his little closet. I'll stay outside in the cube with Dr. Grey while she is chatting my head off.

"Just to be sure nothing happens, Katniss," she replies and leaves.

I sigh and go to the bathroom to change. They're the clothes I wore when I came in, when Peeta attacked me. It feels weird wearing them, I'd rather not, but there's no other solution. So I quickly pull on my shirt and jeans.

I then leave, not even bothering bidding the nurse good bye. Instead, I find myself heading to the Cube. I know I am not allowed to go there, but I need to talk to Dr. Grey. I'm almost positive something is wrong. I almost died, someone saved me and I'm quite sure Dr. Grey wasn't the one who did.

Soon I find myself in front of the grey door. I knock on it and enter. Dr. Grey is reading a book, which surprises me. I thought you weren't allowed to do anything but observe Peeta. I know all Dr. Aurelius did was observe Peeta. Day in, day out;all he would do was stare at Peeta and occasionally scribbling something down in his notebook.

"Katniss, you're back!" she says, clapping enthusiastically in her hands. She pets the seat next to her and motions me to take a seat. I do as she wishes.

"How are you?" she asks as she puts her book away. I notice it's a biography about Snow. I wonder why in the world she would read that.

"Fine," I reply. "But not thanks to you."

She raises her eyebrow and laughs. "Not one to beat around the bush, ha?"

I don't reply. Instead, I wait for an explanation of why she locked the door and basically helped Peeta kill me. Maybe she's crazy, that would explain the fact why she's reading a biography about Snow. No one buys that rubbish, only crazy and stuck in time Snow supporters. Even though Dr. Grey is a tad weird, I don't see her as a supporter of Snow.

"Oh, Katniss, naïve Katniss," she sighs. "Do you really think Doctor Aurelius is back to the Capitol for important matters?"

I look at her. I actually thought he was. He was a doctor after all, he has business to do. One that isn't centred around me and Peeta. Was I really naive to think that he went to the Capitol for that?

"I'm not naive," I spit back.

Dr. Grey barks out a laugh and shakes her head. "But you are Miss Everdeen. Doctor Aurelius is at the Capitol. In a spa resort to be precise. The man is old and has no idea what he's doing, so I gave him a ticket to the spa, so he could rest. Silly old man. Just as naive as you are."

"I am not naive!"

"You went in Peeta's room! Did you really think he wouldn't attack you?"

"He was doing well!" I scream back at her. She has no right to judge me for wanting to help Peeta.

"Of course he was doing well! I gave him all sorts of potions and pills to numb him. So the memories about how horrible you are would revive! And it did! You would've been dead if that scum of a Tylinski hadn't barged in to tell me that you were being attacked. As if I didn't know!"

I stand rigid in shock. She wants me dead. The doctor who has been treating Peeta, in hope he would get well, wants me dead. In fact, she isn't even helping Peeta to get back, being his old self. Instead, she fills his brain with more visions, so he'll turn crazy. The capitol has created a mutt in form of Peeta and its created to kill me. I realize he will not stop until I'm dead.

"Who are you?"

"Esmeralda Grey - formerly known as Esmeralda Snow," she says. Her lips curve into an unattractive smile, sending shivers through my spine.

"I'm here to finish what my grandfather couldn't do Katniss. But I'm not going to dirty my hands, I'll let your little friend over there," she pointed at Peeta, "do it. My grandfather will be proud of me!"

And then hell breaks loose. I start to scream and lunge myself at her, in the same manner as Peeta did when he lunge himself at me. I start shaking her, screaming. I have no idea what I'm doing, but my current thoughts are that I have to kill her. That she's the enemy and that the enemy is to be killed.

She starts laughing, a horrible laugh. High pitched that rings in your ears. The smell of roses and blood hits me, sending my memories back to the rebellion and I start hauling myself at her again. Tackling to woman to the floor.

"If you kill me, you'll die yourself. No one will believe you, Katniss. Every descendent of my grandfather is dead. My name is Grey now. You cannot prove anything," she screeches. "People will think you're crazy. Hijacked just as Peeta. Two mental victors, going to same road as Annie Cresta and her spawn!"

I stop. My heart beating in a rapid tempo. I have straddled Esmeralda Snow. She is struggling under me, but I'm stronger than her. So she stops and then smirks at me.

If I'd have my bow and arrow here, I would've shot her in the same manner I did as with Cato and Marvel, because she deserves it. Esmeralda is evil, but I can't prove anything. She is right and I have no idea what to do. I can't kill her; I can't ship her away to a far district, because no one will let me. I am stuck in a nightmare.

"What're you going to do, Girl on Fire?"

The sound of my nickname, created by the Capitol snaps me out my daze. I scream out again and push her down by blocker her neck with my forearm. Her head hits the floor with a thud and I can see her wince. A small puddle of blood starts to cradle around the back of her head, making me nauseas.

I grab some tissues from the table and shove it under her head. I then hit the alarm button and leave the cube.

Numbly, I return home. It seems like I'm back where I am started. Snow watching me, but this time I have no one. Gale is in District Two and Peeta is hijacked. It's unfair and I have no idea what do. I need to get Dr. Aurelius back. I know he will listen to me, he believes me.

My house is cleaned, I notice. I'm pretty sure Greasy Sae took her chance once I was thrown in the hospital. It smells good and I'm thankful she did it.

I plug the telephone it and search the house for Dr. Aurelius' number. I can't remember where I put it, since I never bother calling him. He usually calls me, it's not like I'm interested in a conversation with him, but this time I want to slam my head against the wall.

Later that day, around the evening, I finally find the little note. It's crumbled up and it was thrown behind my bed, but I found it!

I sigh and head downstairs to ring the number; hopefully Dr. Aurelius still uses it.

* * *

**Quick update with some new plot development! I hope you guys enjoyed it. If you guys want to, you can reread the previous chapters, since they're beta'd, but that is up to you. I'm not sure when there'll be a new update up, since school is starting in three days and I am going to be busy. Hopefully a new update will be on in a week. Review if you liked it, also if you don't. Suggestions are also welcome. X Atlas.**


	8. Planning

**Chapter 7: Planning**

I am left thinking then. Wondering what in the name of God just happened? Her words keep bouncing in my head. I need to call Dr. Aurelius before it's too late. I wonder if he'll believe me. Maybe he'll think I've gone totally mental, but there's only one way to find out. I take a deep breath before I push the numbers on my telephone.

The phone goes over and my heart is hammering loudly in my chest.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Hello, this is Aurelius," I hear his voice say.

"Doctor Aurelius, you're speaking with Katniss," I reply, unsure what to say. I always thought talking through the telephone was awkward. I had talked to Dr. Aurelius many times, when he was in the Capitol. Those conversations only took about five minutes though, after that there would be a very long and awkward silence, before I decide to tell him I washanging up.

"What a surprise, Katniss!" he chimes. "I heard you got attacked by Peeta. How are you feeling now? Do you want to talk about it? Isn't Doctor Grey doing a good job?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you. Doctor Grey, she isn't who everyone thinks she is."

I hear Dr. Aurelius gasp from the other side. Something rustles in the phone and I hear some voices in the background. I wonder where he is. Is he still in the spa Dr. Grey sent him? I hope not, because I know it already will be a massive challenge to convince him of who Dr. Grey really is.

"Katniss, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Good, now child, tell me what you mean with 'she isn't who everyone thinks she is'."

I take a deep breath before I repeat my conversation with Dr. Grey. It sounds unbelievable, even in my ears and I'm almost convinced that Dr. Aurelius will not believe me. She is a qualified doctor after all, and she changed her name. I have no proof but that conversation. I hope the part of how she sent him to the spa convinces him, if not, I will have a great problem. No one's going to believe me and then everyone will think I am just as mad as every surviving tribute.

"That's a serious accusation, Katniss."

"It's not an accusation."

I hear him laugh from the other side of the phone. "You have no proof, Katniss. You sure that attack by Peeta didn't shakeyou up? Make you react like you're reacting now? It happens often you know; a lot of my patients have it. It's okay, you probably dreamed it. It happens a lot to patients like you. Their dreams collide with reality and it looks so real, that they're convinced that it is."

"I am sure it happened, doctor!" I reply fiercely.

What happened earlier today isn't a dream. I haven't slept since I woke up this morning. I am not mental. I know what happened and that happened.

"Lay down for a bit, Katniss."

"No, I don't want to! Peeta is getting worse every minute. Snow's granddaughter is making him crazy and no one is stopping her. Believe me, why would I lie?"

It's silent for a moment and I wonder if I have convinced him. I hope I have. Peeta basically is a timebomb and soon he will explode, destroying everyone around him. I can't have that. It's dangerous; Peeta is dangerous. He's danger to himself too. Time is running out.

"Listen, Katniss. I appreciate your concern, but there's nothing I can do for you. Doctor Grey has a certificate. She knows what she has to do in order to help her. She's one of the best out there. We would've known if she was an imposter. All relatives of Cornelius Snow have been killed," he tries to assure me.

"She is related to Snow. She told me herself! You need to get her way from Peeta, before it's too late. Leave the spa; the spa can wait! We need you here!" I scream in the phone.

"Go to sleep. You need to sleep. I will call you in several hours. You're exhausted, I can hear it in your voice," and with that,he hangs up.

I start to scream them. Roaring out, because I can't believe this is happening. I need to save Peeta, but how? On my own, I cannot fight Snow's reincarnation.

I am pacing around the hallway, thinking of a plan. A solid planto save Peeta. He's probably getting sedated again as we speak. Yes, Peeta is the one I need to save first, but how? I don't have a team this time to save Peeta. I'm on my own now. Maybe Haymitch will help me, but that would only happen if he lays of the alcohol for awhile. I am almost positive he won't though. I know he would help me if he knew what was going on, but these days he's more invested in alcohol than anything else.

I wonder if I can just go there with my bow and arrow and shoot Esmeralda Snow right there. Just get it over with. Then I will take Peeta away and help him cure on my own. Maybe I will ask Custard Closeheart, the homeless man who used to be a doctor. The plan is so mentalthat it might work. I'm not very talented in making plans, but this might be the only plan that can work. Except for the killing part, as I can't get away with that, ever. Maybe I can sedate her with her own stuff, the stuff she uses to sedate Peeta. She'll be knocked out for a few hours. Enough time for me to knock Peeta out to and bring him somewhere safe, but where?

I run upstairs. In my room, I spread a lot of paper on the floor. I am determined to have this plan worked, but I will have to think of everything. From entering he hospital to exiting it. It has to be detailed to the point. If I have every aspect covered, it might work. This plan, it could go wrong in so many ways. It needs to be foolproof and when it is, then I can save Peeta. And maybe, Peeta and I can escape the District, lay low for awhile and then come back as if nothing happened. By then they might've figured out who Dr. Grey really is, and people will be cured and we can start over. Or not. It doesn't matter anyways, as long as he just doesn't turn into hijacked-Peeta again. I hate that version of him, but then again, who doesn't? He's a monster! A mutt!

After writing down the plan in much detail as possible, I decide to take a nap. I am tired, not that tired that I hallucinate certain events, such as Esmeralda Snow, but I do need some rest. Though I hate to admit it, I still am very weak. In order to succeed I need to be trained well and stronger than I am now. A nap would be a very good start.

The ringing of the phone awakes me and I stumble down the stairs to pick up. I'm not sure for how long I slept, but the sun has set down and I'm still awfully tired.

"Hello?" I murmur, tiredly.

"Katniss Everdeen? This is Doctor Aurelius. How are you doing?"

"Sleepy."

"Do you still remember what you said this afternoon?"

"How can I forget?"

"I assume you still think that really happened?"

"There's a reason why I think that. It's because I know something happened. I told you that.I am not going mental, doctor; but if you don't believe me, then don't. We'll see who's wrong when Doctor Grey's real identity is revealed. Goodbye doctor. Take care, have fun atyour spa. Look out for the people there, you can't trust them."

I hang up and it feels good to tell Doctor Aurelius all those thinks. I hope he realises he's terribly wrong, but if he doesn't, that's fine too. I frankly don't care, because I will help Peeta no matter what. Whether I am alone or assisted by Dr. Aurelius.

* * *

**Plot thickens... I'm going a totally different way than I wanted, but I think you guys will like this better, but review! I've been busy with school, but hope to update soon. Thanks to my beta Sam, she's amazing! Love, Atlas. **


	9. Plan, Part I

**None is mine and much love to my beta: MissingMommy**

* * *

And then the moment arises. It's exciting, exhilarating, scary, interesting and most of all heart stopping. The main question in the moment is if I succeed. Will I not, I have a problem. If I do succeed, things may get worse. It's not a win, win situation;I do not know if I am able to save Peeta. But once, I promised him I'd protect him, because that's what we do… we protect each other.

So I stand here, afew metres from the hospital. My knife isin my left combat boot. My hair braided. I am reminded by the rebellion. It feels like it again. The thrill, the awareness, saving Peeta. It's bizarre. I am determined to succeed though. To save Peeta Mellark, the boy with the bread. It has come to this, the moment has arrived. No matter what, I will save Peeta.

I enter the hospital and greet Delly.

"Katniss," she says, smiling. "Good to see you. You haven't been here in a while."

I smile, hoping that I don't seem to tense. I am nervous, really nervous. Everything can go wrong and I have to be normal. I have to look normal, Delly can't suspect a thing. That's why I choose to talk to her a little. Dr. Grey will take a break in fifteen minutes, so I have enough time to chat with Delly.

"Yes, I've been busy trying to get my life back. How is Peeta doing?"

"Fine, I assume. No one is allowed to go into his room. If you're here to see him, I'm afraid I'll have to send you away. Doctor Grey doesn't want any visitors, it may affect his recovery," she says.

Sly evil manipulator. She has all the strings in her hand, of course she does. She wouldn't be President Snow's granddaughter if she hadn't thought everything out, but she shouldn't underestimate me. I know I can't underestimate her. She is smart, knows her way with words, but she was stupid to come out with the truth. Telling me about her true identity was her biggest mistake.

"No, I am here for an appointment with my doctor, when I was attacked."

Delly smiles at me and nods. I leave her and stride to the cabin close to Peeta's room.

I knock on the door;my hands are shaking a little. There's no one in the cabin though, so I try to open the door. I can't. It's locked.

I curse myself inwardly. Of course it's locked. How am I going to open it? I don't have the key. All I have is a knife. I look around and then bend so I am on the same height as the lock. I take out the knife from my boot and slide it along the side of the door. It slips in, andI drag it up and down. The noise of the dragging up and down from my knife is harder than I expect. It rings my ears and I wonder if it's just me, because I am too nervous or if it's really making this awful noise. It's too hard and I'm afraid I will get caught.

Then it clicks and the door creaks open. I cry out softly – or really hard, I am not sure, I am too nervous to measure the noise coming from me – and slide my knife back in my boot. I stand up, steadying myself and enter the room. I sigh, feeling relieved. I am one step closer to saving Peeta.

I close the door again and hope Dr. Grey won't suddenly enter. The room is white and smells like the sedating stuff Dr. Grey uses. I cover my mouth with my sleeve and grab a handful of pills and syringes filled with blue liquid. I am not sure what it all is, but I've seen Dr. Grey using it multiple times. I suspect the pills knock him out and the syringes with blue liquid bring him the memories.

I slide my bag from my back and carefully unzip it, trying not to make too much noise. I drop the syringes and pills in and am ready to move out until I see the click of the door turning.

My breathe catches in my throat and in panic I look around. The cabin isn't too big but there are many closets in hear. I move around the room, opening a door of a closet. There's nothing in it and I jump in and close the door.

The door creaks open and I hear two voices talking.

"Is he ready for phase two?"

"Almost. He is knocked out for most of the day. The hallucinations should almost be completely imprinted in his brain."

The two people are talking about Peeta, I realize.

"And Miss Everdeen?" the voice asks.

"Haven't seen the nuisance in a week or two. Think she's backing off," the other voice says. It clearly is Dr. Grey's voice. The other voice I do not know; I have heard it somewhere, but no face enters my mind.

"Good, she's dangerous, miss Snow."

"I know, but she won't be able to save or help the boy. The boy is almost ready to enter phase two and after he enters phase two he'll go into phase three where he is a destructive force. Ready to kill the girl once and for all."

"Good. Remember keep her close. She knows."

Dr. Grey laughs. It's a murderous laugh and the air feels denser. Suddenly the feeling of déjà-vu hits me and the smell of roses and blood overcomes me. It's nauseating and it spins my mind. It scares me too and I realize President Snow is back in full force. This person may not be President Snow, but she is just as evil, if not more.

Footsteps then come closer and I try to shallow my breathing.

"Was the door locked when you entered?" the unrecognizable voice asks.

"No. I thought you opened it."

"I didn't."

"Then who did? We're the only ones to have a key."

"Someone entered it then."

The talking then stops. I hear footsteps and then the door closes. I hear the lock turning and I know I am locked up.

After a few minutes – or ages of waiting in silence, too afraid to maybe see the mystery face or Dr. Grey – I exit it, relieved to be alone. I tiptoe to the door and bend down again to get my knife out of my boot and then I slip the knife in and drag it up and down until I hear the click.

It clicks and I slowly open the door. I peak my head out and luckily there's no one in the hallway so I quickly make my way out of the cabin. My throat is dry and I check up quickly with Peeta, who is sleeping, or more like paralyzed, and leave the hospital.

Phase one of my plan is done. I need to be quick, because if Peeta enters his second phase I can't save him. Instead I'll have to run for him. The clock is ticking and time is running out.

* * *

**Bit short, I've just been incredibly busy. Thank you all for reviewing, reading, favouriting and such, it means more than the world to me! Keep on going and hopefully I'll be updating soon. Love, Atlas.**


	10. Break

It has been raining all day. Of all days to storm and thunder, it is to be decided that today was the perfect day to rain. I wonder what I did to deserve this. All I wanted to do was help Peeta. Save him from that hell hole, which now is impossible. I cannot in any way drag him along with me in the rain. I need to get away unnoticed, but two people in the rain, one possibly unconscious, that will be noticed.

So instead of going to the hospital, I'm in my room. In this stupid room, looking out of the window. The rain is clattering against the window and the wind seems to be going through the whole house, making it horribly cold.

Yesterday two men entered Peeta's house. When I noticed the two bulky men, I ran out of my house and knocked on Peeta's door. The man with the moustache opened. I asked him what he was doing in Peeta's house and told him that he had no right to come in there. The man told me it was on order of Doctor Grey. They were taking some of his favourite stuff to the hospital to entertain him. All I could do was nod and leave. So that was how life was now and how I dealt with it.

I keep wondering how long it is going to take until I can help Peeta. The day before yesterday and the day before that it had rained as well. Maybe the odds don't want me to save Peeta Mellark, but the odds never stopped me before and they won't this time. It's pathetic how I always have the odds in the back of my mind, but the phrase has literally been forced into my head when I was a young girl. Every escort would say: "May the odds be ever in your favour." It just happened naturally.

Maybe I'm too late to help Peeta. The clock is ticking and if I overheard Doctor Grey correctly, they're almost entering a new phase. A new phase means a step further from getting the normal Peeta back, but I need him back. I will go crazy if not. I know I need to be patient, but patience just doesn't seem like an option now. It's a race against the clock and patience will not help me get more time.

The woods are where I decide to escape. It's amazing how it can free the mind when it's going too many miles per hour. All I have is a bow and arrow and it seems to be the best thing I have ever held in my hands. Instead of hunting, I just sit near a lake with the bow and arrow in my hand. The lake of memories. The lake where my father would always bring me, a spot which I have never shared with anymore. It seems to be years since I've been here. It probably is. I haven't sit her (here) properly since before the games and the games are about two or three years ago. Time goes fast, but yet so slow. The rebellion was hell and I hate to remind myself of that particular period of time, but my life is how it is because of the games.

I look up to the sky; it's greying. Soon it will rain. I don't mind rain. I love the feeling of rain hitting my face and the lightning hitting my face. I can imagine the water of the lake bouncing, the stream going with full force. It reminds me of my father and Prim. How we used to go here in the summer and how my mother forbade me the sing the song. It seems like a lifetime away and maybe it is. A new era is upon us time, an era which should be peaceful, but is it really?

Instead of hunting, I walk around the woods. It's the first time I've ever walked around here and truly taken in how it looks like. The ferns and moss give the air an earthy smell. On the right there are animal prints, maybe a deer. From what I can remember when hunting, it is one. There are also birds and I can't stop myself from whistling the four note tune Rue once taught me and it gives me chills when the birds mimic it.

My last destination is the hill. The hill where Gale and I used to sit. How we feasted because we had real bread and how we mimicked the Capitol. It's so weird how it all changed. How Gale left me and the District and how I am all alone sitting on the woods. I think of the words Gale said that day, we could've taken off and live in the woods. Maybe Prim would still be alive, maybe Gale would be by my side, but would Peeta be there? Would I know him as I know him now? It seems unlikely since he was from another world back then.

It's funny how all of this happened, because I tried to save Prim and then she ends up dead. I was the spark the District needed, but it destroyed me. It destroyed everything I cared about. It killed Prim, it messed up Peeta's brain, it made Gale move and it killed Cinna too. It killed everyone I know, but somehow Panem forgot the losses, while I'm still stuck with all their deaths and losses. Maybe it's because I'm the catalyst of everything, but if it weren't me, was it going to be someone else? It should've been someone else, if it was, maybe everyone I cared about would still be alive.

The wind has started roaring like an angry beast then. The rain starts coming and it's hitting the ground like bullets from a gun. In only several seconds, above, the sky becomes black with menacing rainclouds until the cracks of lightning break the darkness, soaking myself in the rain once again. It feels freeing, the rain hitting your face. The wind is gusty, blowing in my hair. I twirl. I never was one to twirl, but it seemed nice and it is nice. It's deliberating, it makes me forget my problems, it's like the wind is carrying my problems away. Just for now, tomorrow it will bring it back. I smile and the rain becomes harder. Trickles and taps on the window. The thunder seems to shake the district and the lightning lights up the eerie night. It soaks me, but I don't care, because tomorrow it'll rain harder and I know I'll be too sick to even care about. The storm is giving me another day of not caring. It's the most amazing feeling in the world.

After what seems to be like a few hours I go back to Victors Village and I enter the house, soaking the floor. I sigh and strip myself from my clothes before I enter the bed. Maybe tomorrow will be kinder.

* * *

**A filler since I've been very busy. Was quite disappointed about not getting any reviews, so please review. Love, Atlas! Also massive thanks to my beta and to you readers. :)**


	11. Author's Note

Hello guys, I just wanted to say that this story is going on a break for a while. Life has been hectic and I don't have time or inspiration to continue this fanfic. I'm hoping to finish it, but I'm not sure I will. Sorry guys! Love, Atlas.


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